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I sucked down an entire package of Bentasil since yesterday afternoon (plus the three that were in the package before that). That means I consumed 55.5 calories and 39 mg of aspartame worth of lozenges. Stupid throat. This is what happens when I stay up all night pr0nning instead of sleeping. And just so yaapos;ll know, the story I promised is going to have to wait another night at least, but bed=good at this point.

Stupid throat.

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I�got up today and started to use the computer. I moved the mouse and the desktop appeared. But wait, there was an error My image for my background didnapos;t exist. I clicked OK�and suddenly an error that Webshots Desktop doesnapos;t exist Then a series of errors telling me my other images in Webshots Desktop didnapos;t exist. Then my whole desktop apparently didnapos;t exist and completely disappeared. So I click on Start and NOTHING comes up except for my documents, my computers, and all programs. I�click on my programs and it says "(no files)". At this point I�freak out. I clicked it a few more times and managed to get the programs to show but when it wouldnapos;t open anything I�almost lost it. D: I just had to reformat I couldnapos;t handle losing it all

I restarted and everything is fine. O_O�AVG didnapos;t find any threats and Spybot didnapos;t find any malware and Ad-Aware didnapos;t find anything either. So hrmmm... Major glitch? o___o;

Me and Tanya are heading up to the stand in a bit. The "monster bus"�is at the Home Depot there doing rides for charity. Juvenile Diabetes is their cause. Itapos;s so awesome. Iapos;ll get pics of that bus too. It seems interesting. Like, a monster truck except itapos;s a bus. 8D

Will be babysitting Jon and Vince this weekend. Vince and Judy are dropping them off today for us to watch this weekend. Not sure how I�feel about that. Those boys are pure evil Okay, not quite but boys shall be boys. XD Shouldnapos;t be too horrible but yeah. Tanya will enjoy it and Jonapos;s bringing the X-Box so theyapos;ll be occupied at least. ^__^

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Partial good news about my mom so this week and the one before arenapos;t a complete disaster. Suz gave me a really long hug this morning and Iapos;m still not sure why, but it made it better too. Favorite teacher ever.

Where do we go from here, Iapos;ll say
Youapos;re a shining star
Youapos;d do great in LA
And I keep fixing every habit that I break
Oh Meghan, is this thing of ours still on?
For I havenapos;t slept a wink since you have been gone
Now I want to be buried in your backyard
And when the flowers grow just know youapos;re still in my heart

I should make a list of bands that need to play here soon.

AFI
Brand New
Bright Eyes
Conor Oberst The Mystic Valley Band
Cursive
Empires
Green Day
Hellogoodbye
Kevin Devine
Nightmare Of You
Pansy Division
Scarlet Grey
Straylight Run
Taking Back Sunday
Tegan and Sara

There. Done.

I feel like eating Skittles. I should have bought a bag. I might have finished it within ten minutes though. Iapos;ll beg to get one tomorrow morning while weapos;re out.

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So since Iapos;m a crafty motherfucker I tend to visit a lot of sites via first connecting to my home computer. I was just checking myspace and some video started automatically playing, which of course I canapos;t hear, but I suddenly had this image of the cat freaking out wondering whoapos;s talking, and it amused me.

Why am I suddenly posting so much? Oh wait, thatapos;s right, avoiding work. Itapos;s a good thing I tend to get things done faster than most people, it gives me a lot of time to fuck around and still look like a decent employee. Iapos;m all about fitting into the norm, over-achieving doesnapos;t strike me as appealing. Itapos;s no wonder Iapos;ve never accomplished anything in my life.

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...
We are all worthy of love, there is no need to prove anything.

What we strive for is romantic connection, a physical manifestation of a divine love which encompasses all.
This is impossible for a finite being to fulfill, no matter how hard we try to be the all for another, we are still holding onto trappings which do not allow for this to be realized.
Therefore, romantic love is another illusion - though the need to connect feels like it is tangible - we are already connected and have just had our backs turned for so long we have forgotten.
Thereapos;s no need for salvation or to have someone else connect you.

All this I can say and believe, yet it is one of my biggest struggles.
I have tried to put the bottle of hurt down, throw it out and yet I still I feel as though I suffer.
I donapos;t know what to say, I wish the rest of me would recognize what my brain seems to know.
I work towards it, even when I donapos;t feel like it.
(and these days I really havenapos;t been feeling it.)


PS this was prompted by a message from a friend on this topic, not the flick Iapos;m currently watching, kind of - more half-assed listening to it...



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Just some random thoughts I wrote down during and immediately following the debate. Theyapos;re not in any particular order, as they were hastily scribbled in the available space on a sheet of paper I was doodling on at the time XD:

1) Hey, McCainapos;s not wearing a flag pin again. And Obama is. Does anyone remember when the Republicans were going after Obama for not wearing a flag pin on his lapel? Anyone? Anyone?

2) McCain blinks WAY too much. It could be the stage lights, but Iapos;ve been on stage, and I definitely did not blink that much, even with those horrible lights shining in my eyes. Plus Obama and Bob Scheiffer (the moderator) donapos;t blink nearly as much. Therefore, by process of elimination, and the transitive property of yadda, yadda, yadda: Every word out McCainapos;s mouth was a lie.

3) McCain looks like heapos;s wearing corpse make-up. Yapos;know, like how morticians make-up corpses for funerals so they donapos;t look like theyapos;re...well...corpses? Thatapos;s what John McCain looks like. A made-up corpse. Do you think heapos;s a zombie? I think heapos;s a zombie.

4) McCain keeps making this weird noise when he inhales...like heapos;s desperately sucking in air while heapos;s talking in an effort to seem like heapos;s not out of breath. And his tongue pokes out of his mouth. Itapos;s reeeeeally creepy D=

5) Just as my mother was mentioning the fact that she hadnapos;t heard McCain say apos;my friendsapos; at all, HE SAID IT. NOT ONLY IS JOHN McCAIN A ZOMBIE, BUT HE CAN READ OUR MINDS probably so he can better locate them to eat them

6) McCain: "I AM NOT GEORGE BUSH." Well, duh. At least George Bush was sort of likable, for awhile. I canapos;t really say the same about McCain.

7) McCain: "Itapos;s very clear that Iapos;ve disagreed with the Bush Administration. Iapos;ve disagreed with members of my own party. Iapos;ve got the scars to prove it." DO THE REPUBLICANS BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF MEMBERS OF THEIR PARTY WHO DISAGREE WITH THEM?? I bet they sneak into the offending memberapos;s room at night and beat them with argyle socks filled with money. No wonder theyapos;re all so fucked up and repressed.

8) Did Obama just say that 100 percent of McCainapos;s ads were negative? apos;Cause even I donapos;t think thatapos;s true.

9) OBAMA, DUDE, SCHEIFFER JUST GAVE YOU THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO POINT OUT HOW RIDICULOUSLY UNFIT SARAH PALIN IS TO BE VP, AND YOU JUST SAT THERE AND PRAISED HER. WTF, MAN. YOU COULDapos;VE AT LEAST BROUGHT UP THE FACT THAT SHE WAS FOUND TO HAVE ABUSED HER POWER AS GOVERNOR OF ALASKA Although she seems to have gotten the impression that she was exonerated of those charges.

10) McCain: "Americans have gotten to know Sarah Palin. They know that sheapos;s a role model to women" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. NO.

11) LOL, SARAH PALINapos;S "A BRESH OF FRETH AIR". That made me crack up.

12) McCain keeps making awkward little jokes and then laughing creepily at them. Nobody else laughs.

13) The look of shock on McCainapos;s face when Obama said that with his health care plan small business owners wouldnapos;t have to pay a fine for not providing health insurance to their employees (if they canapos;t afford to) is priceless. XD "ZERO?? D8" He seriously sat there with his mouth hanging open for about 10 seconds. XD

14) You know that episode of The Simpsons with the story-within-a-story-within-a-story, where Mr. Burns and that Texan guy were on a scavenger hunt, and Burns had to get a picture of himself with a smiling child, and he pulled that creepy rictus smile on the school bus, terrifying all the schoolchildren on it? Thatapos;s what I think of when I see John McCain smile. I also think of murdered kittens D=

15) STOP SAYING "PRO-ABORTION". NOBODY IS PRO-ABORTION, YOU TWAT. You can support a womanapos;s right to choose what to do with her own body without actually liking abortion. ...You twat.

16) I think John McCain is a Dementor. Every time I hear him talk, or see him smile or hear him laugh, I feel all the light go out of my soul. Does that make Barack Obama a Patronus, or a wizard casting a Patronus?

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I am very happy today as my mama had a breast cancer scare just there but sheapos;s been given the all clear so that is wonderful.

Yesterday was Andyapos;s birthday so we went for cocktails and dinner and I am feeling a bit apos;orrible today and I need to pack because I am taking him to Paris for his birthday stupidly early tomorrow morning. I made him a TARDIS cake for his birthday but it looked more like the sea. It tasted beautiful but it was ugly as sin, I need to improve my cake decoration skills.

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